and it flows..

Tuesday, 11 March 2008

Not short by any standards...

Ha ha... my friend just asked me about my blogger page..  And I had to say 'I have one ?' and asked HIM for the address !  Pretty lame is it not ?  Oh well, here I am again, finally.

I originally started this blog in October 2007, as a means of releasing my tensed thoughts and feelings. I had lost my sister - my only one - finally succumbing to cancer on May 12,2007,  and then mum decided she wanted to go along with her. She waited for dad to come home from Friday prayers before telling her heart to stop working.  Leaving me as the sole female of the family.  My dad sorely misses them both, and I make matters worse by not calling him up as often as he would like !  But I have my days, too. Days where i simply cannot bear to talk to anyone as it reminds me too much of times gone by.

I still ache at the thought of not being able to call them up and chat on my way to and from work.  I actually got myself a pretty expensive toy - a bluetooth headset so that i can easily chat with them on the phone while driving.  Sis would be in the morning - if I don't call her by 7:45am, she will call to and demand to know why I'm not yet on the way to work.  Mum's session will be at the end of the day, after work where I'll be updating her on the latest office gossip... and what my sis and I talked about in the morning !   She'll ask without fail as to why I'm still on the road, when it's past dinner time.  I usually make it a point to talk in theatrics, they love it and take it for what it was, embellishments of actual stories.

It's funny to have to talk of them in the past tense..  I still don't refer to them with the customary prefix of 'Aruah' (Departed) Mak or 'Aruah' Nyah... it's too weird.  It's a long way from that October, when I could barely speak of them without breaking down uncontrollably, I still have those moments.  Now I don't break down, but my heart just aches terribly every time I speak of them.

Trying to move on, and trying to start a blog with lots of non-sensical issues !  But there will be moments like these, definitely, where I will need to let my fingers express my thought and feelings. Until then, there it is !


NIKO75 said...

hahaha.. finally! Welcome to the blogger world! Sorry about what happened in the past.. just hope ur strong enough to go thru the upcoming challenges in the future..

emm emm said...

thanks niko.. don't be sorry for me, this is just one of the things in life that one has to go through, even if i feel that it is sadder for me. i appreciate your thoughts though. i do wonder what the future holds for all of us, and if we will have each other to help see us through

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