procrastination for posterity or just plain denial ?

i now know why i hardly write now. well the workload is one good excuse obviously - busy with office work on the weekdays and the running around on weekends for all the routine chores etc. but i think i know the real reason why.

i wanted to post a link from one of my past entries, for a friend of mine to read. i am always in the habit of reading it first. and this entry that i was going to send him was written when i was feeling very, very sad. as i read it again, thinking that i already knew every word and that i had done this countless times before, my tears still fell rapidly. and of course i had to put on the mac eyeliner today - so here i am, still at the workplace, forlornly sitting at the table with streaked eyes. no, no howling today, managed to check that in time, and now thinking of how to move on to the next pace quickly as i still have a ton to do for monday. i now need a quick change of mood in order to be able to finish my required submission. *sigh* there goes my non-weekend. i guess i will have to bring work back home and force myself to do it.

so maybe i'll be able to resist reading my previous entries again the next time. but maybe i won't, because that is the precious bit of memory that helps me release all my longing, remind me of all my beautiful moments with them. i will never see them again, but they are always in my heart. i owe myself another immediate entry - writing about trust. it has been going around in my head for almost 6 months now, and yet i am resisting the urge to write about it. the longer i resist, the more incidents and scenarios about this i encounter. maybe i should get that over and done with as quickly as possible so that i have a clearer mind on what to do when faced with another similar occassion!

so there we go. and there i go. packing up the materials for me to take home, so i may continue my work at home. tonight. before tomorrow's mad rush of lessons, driver-ing to, driver-ing from.... i do so want to go hit some (golf) balls at the sunway extreme park to help get the stress out! join me?