Tiba-Tiba Teringat Dia

--> Been a while since I last posted.  Though I have not quit writing entirely.... Wrote this a while back, in memory of a departed friend.  He was a lovely person, who had to leave earlier than most of us.  Let's move!  Have a good day,  everyone!  Much love to all!


Tiba-Tiba Teringat Dia

Tiba-tiba teringat dia

Terasa sunyi, hampir hiba

Pabila kisah lama terbayang

Sunyi hiba jadi hilang

Tiba-tiba teringat dia

Senyum meleret diiring tawa

Tinggi melampai, manis dipandang

Mengayat seloka, senyum memanjang

Tiba-tiba teringat dia

Budi bicara mengusik jiwa

Ucapan manis masih terngiang

Ragam dan karenah, tak lagi diulang

Tiba-tiba teringat dia

Susuk hayatnya sudah tiada

Tiada lagi mata memandang

Perasaan dan memori untuk dikenang

Emma Abdul Manaf : 2018 December 04 13:45 : Mines Lakeside

Wait a while, Papa

"Where are they, my daughter?"
Your eyes softly question
"Why are they not here?
Have they already forgotten?"

"They will come, Papa dear,
Be here soon, they ought to,
For now you have me near,
To love and care for you"

"Do they already know,
That a part of my journey has begun?
I really have to go,
Before the setting of the sun"

"Wait a while, Papa,
They are near,
Wait just a little while, please Papa,
They will be here"

"Give them 20 more minutes,
And I promise you,
They'll be here in a bit,
My words are really true"

And wait you did do
For them to appear
By your side to bid you
And bring you cheer

Gratified that I was
You granted my plea
Not realising, alas
The last, it was to be

No more can I ask of you
Even if we do not so will it
Nothing more on you to do 
Your minutes with us replete

And with Bismillah and Shahadah
We had to let you go
To fulfill your promise to Allah
We can wait not a second more

Your journey through life
Filled with faith and honour
Integrity, honesty, against strife
Our model forevermore

Not yet five years had passed
I'm still learning to hope
That grieving won't last
Now I must learn to cope

All that I can offer now, Papa
Are my prayers for your well-being
May you be granted Jannah
InsyaAllah, with all His blessings


Emma Abdul Manaf • Wed Mar 13, 2013 2100hrs • Kelana Jaya

I see you

Can I just run away?

To where the skies are never black or grey,

..where the sun shines just slight,

..neither too dull nor too bright..

Can I then just be,

..allowed to dance and smile happily,

..with no cares and no sorrow,

..and no worries of tomorrow?

But then, all will be in vain,

..when the heart still feels pain.

For sad memories and time,

..can never be erased with rhyme

Your life contribution, they still cling,

..as attestation to your being,

- A confirmation of your presence.

- A proof of your essence.

As yet again,

..with a sigh...

I see your shadow in the light

..I hear your silence in the riotous noise

But when I look to see and listen to hear,

you are far, and nowhere near

Emma Abdul Manaf - started 10:07pm Mar 8, completed 3:36pm Wed, Mar 13 2013 - Subang Jaya

Safe Journey, Bapak

27 October 1922 - 11 February 2013
90 years, 3 months, 16 days

You said after 83, every year earned was a further bonus.
Alhamdulillah for the opportunity from Allah.

I love you, Bapak. Thank you.

good nite, peaceful nite

Emma Aman Shah on Monday, 21 February 2011 at 23:32

I haven't written for a while
But thoughts of you still make me smile
Remembering how, out of the blue
You'd send me out on an errand for you

Sometimes it'd be as simple as
Drop by pasar tani, get you lemongrass
Even if I had no intention of going
Refuse you I couldn't 'cos you needed it for cooking!

Either for masak pindang or asam pedas
It'll be something you do with zass
I'll always miss the asam pedas ikan merah
You cooked for me, soon as I'd jejak tanah

Knowing I'd wanted yours when I expecting
So far away when I was studying
You made it for me so I wont mengidam
Even though by then, the baby had come!

Oh memories of you make my heart sigh
The thought that already we said goodbye
I suppose the medication is partly to blame
Putting me in this state, making me call your name

There, of course, will be no answer
'Cos you are gone from me forever
But magically, some consolation for my heart
The bitter sweet remembrance of our being apart

Rest in peace, my darling sister
You were missed greatly by our mother
May she too rest in absolute contentment
I pray you both, together blessed in heaven

Goodbye, Soda. RIP. Dec 2007 - 6 Aug 2009

Soda - I named him that when the children came up with numerous suggestions - I can't even spell them! - after we'd stopped at MacD's on the way home from Sg Besi. I got a Soda there and that stuck on him. He was not spayed, so we obviously had to content with his Spats and Sprays!

Soda was a poor sight yesterday, hardened tummy and tired. I checked on him last night and he wasn't too comfy, but he was still in a mood to growl when little Debot messed with his tail. I put him partially on an old towel in case he felt too cold on the terracotta and chatted with him while he was horizontal. Obviously got an earful from Mama, as always, on why had he not stayed home like Mama told him to bla bla bla. With insight from past not-so-comfortable similar experiences, I whispered to him gently that if he felt he needed to go that night, it would be okay with me. However, if he would like to wait a little bit more, then I will come home at lunch time to take him to the vet. He slept the night in the washing yard, peacefully I hope, at least with as much peace as little Debot would let him have.

Morning came with little Debot noisily calling at my door. Eh? I thought I locked them both at the back? I got a bit worried when when Soda was not on the towel I gave him. Trailing Debot, I found him on the floor in the bathroom downstairs. He greeted me with a small Meowww? and I asked back how he was feeling. Another small Meooowwwww and pointedly licked his lips. I got a bowl of water and put it next to him. He promptly got up to drink and looked a bit satisfied although still tired. Little Debot was surprisingly good company, only darting to play around my skirt, but sits quietly in the bathroom next to Soda when he's done playing. I had to leave for work, it was around 7:20am, the children had just left for school. I told Soda that Mama will come home at noon, so wait for me OK? A feeble Meow and I think it was a hint of a smile. The vet would only open at 11.

Took the DUKE and arrived home at 12. Good timing, I thought. No traffic. Straight in to look for Soda. Little Debot pounced on me anxiously when I opened the kitchen door, meowing furiously. Thought he was hungry, ushered him to his food bowl, instead he ran to the bathroom and waited. He was on his tummy next to Soda. And Soda was not looking good at all but still managed a small Meow. I spoke to him but he was too tired to answer back. I asked him for a small wag, he obliged with a tiny, tiny flutter of his tail. Mama's going upstairs to get you my kain batik, so I can wrap you in it while we drive to the vet, OK? I put Debot in the back - he was not too happy at being locked up. And off I went and got my red sarong. I wrapped Soda in it like a little baby - he loved it when he was small, cuddling in a sarong - and carried him out front to the car. I stopped short when I sensed something was so not right. Little Debot was wailing sadly high-pitched in the back, I could hear him through the back kitchen opening. I decided to just sit in front near the door and continued cuddling my Soda. He was getting ready to leave..... And that was how he did go, the same way I brought him home from Kalam's when he was small, he left at 12:30pm with Mama still cuddling him close.

My photo-loving model cat, battle-weary and tired, my little hero of the neighbourhood. You held your own against your adversaries, but lost to an unseen group of soldiers who attacked your digestion system. Life's never fair, I know. So sleep now, little one, there will no longer be anyone or anything to bother you. Mama will miss nagging you about your nightly adventures. Goodbye Soda, I know we will all miss you in our own little way.

In his prime! and a smile, to boot..

aaaahhhh... see all behind bullet-proof protection. driver ? let's move !

or this one, i think..?

My 'heart' will go on...

A year. Minus one from the current year and you're back in time. Not really in time too, she left without saying a proper goodbye. Maybe she did, but I didn't. Not given a chance for a proper goodbye. She said goodbye on the day that I left for London in June and never spoke to me again since. I called and each time there was a different excuse "She's praying" "She's asleep" "She's in the bathroom" "She's not in the mood to talk". "Ok lah kalau cam tu, Bapak just tell her that I have got her favourite - the Aero chocolates in Mint, alright..?" "Yes I will"

Arrived home two Wednesdays later and rang them. Bapak said "Mum's sleeping"

"Ok just to say that I'm back, and why didn't you wait for me to come back as promised ? You said you'd wait for me to get in before going back home ?”

"Entah la, Mak hang nak balik sangat.."

Thursday

"Mak buat apa ?"

"Entah tadi dalam bathroom. Nak get ready nak pray. Dah lambat, tadi she was lying down kat sofa in front"

2:30pm Friday

"Erm Bapak ni.. your mother.. her breathing's not so good la I can see ni…. Kalau Emma free, boleh balik tak ? But don’t rush, I’ll see her progress in the next couple of hours, and I’ll let you know.. yer ?”

"Aha.. ni memang plan nak balik this evening. I'll clear up and leave earlier then. I'll call you to let you know when I'm leaving ok ? I'll get Aman to pack dulu"

"Ok. Bapak pun ni baru balik sembahyang Jumaat, tadi makEncik nak suap bubur kat Mak, she doesn't want to eat saying she is too tired. I'm going to try pulak"

"Ok. Mak kalau tak makan nanti lagi la letih kan"

2:45pm Friday SMS

"Atam where"

"On my way back to Taiping. just left KK"

"k. Bapak called, me go soon as i fin thgs in ofc. keep me posted k"

"Right. When I get there I let u know what's status"

"k. am going back anyway"

3:35pm Friday

"Emma... Bapak ni................"

"Yeeessss……. Bapaaaaaak………?"

"Mak hang.. your Mother..."

"Naper.. ? What is it, Bapak ?"

"Habih dah. Mak hang habih dah. Your mother... habih dah... 3:30pm tadi... Ok yer ? Bapak nak call Ayah Pa bagi tahu"

"Bapak, are you alright ? Are you ok ? Who is there with you ?"

"makEncik and Kak Teh are here with Mak. Aku call Pa dulu yer ? Ok yerr..?"

"Ok Bapak.... ok... yes.. Bapak pergi lah call Ayah Pa"

click…..

and all the held-back emotions during the last few bits of the conversation came pouring out. bewilderment. grief. loss. confusion. emptiness. shock. and the howling came as if from afar, from an alien being. I watched and heard myself as if detached, and didn't recognise me. Bapak was alone to manage things. Mak didn't want anyone else there. She waited for Bapak to come home from Friday prayers, and she said her goodbyes, only with her one beloved. The only one who mattered most to her. For her children there were no goodbyes, farewell, be good... She has said it to us all through her life.

"It is against (the order of) nature for a child to go first, and we have lost two.." you wailed to Bapak before..

Mak, your youngest child misses you. I have absolutely no one now, as you decided to follow Nyah. You did soooo want to go and have been asking the Almighty for this for the longest time. And you finally got your call.. you hasten to go before someone else’s number is called..

The pacemaker is still ticking in the ground. "It is good for about 20 years’ of use, providing the patient does not operate a jack-hammer, which would bring the battery life down to about 15 years’"

Goodbye my sweet

I remember this time last year

I barely noticed the flowers

Except for those by her bed

I barely remembered eating

Except when someone brought us food

I barely realised others

Except those who came to visit

I barely went home

Except to shower and change

I barely lost my temper

Except when they decided

To treat her as if she had already gone

She will go, yes she will

On her own time, at her own pace

As what she had agreed to

Until that time

She is mindful and aware

of everyone and everything

Her wishes, she made clear, we carried out

Her wants, she made obvious, we fulfilled

Her fears, she expressed, we understood

Her needs, we knew, we anticipated

The considerate planner as always

To be home where the heart is

To be ready for the Almighty

To be prepared for the last journey

At a time convenient

Goodbye my sweet

I miss you

Zarina

Arrived June 7 1948

Departed 12 May 2007