Tell her

Tell her

you miss the melody of her name
after all this while is she still the same
the girl who struck out on her own
venturing into the world unknown?

is she the same, you said you'd care for
'til end of time, forevermore
you'll cherish her, because you do
for eternity, you love her too?

you found her again, that's what you said
searched for years, you stayed to wait
for her to magically re-appear
into your life, to have her near

you loved, and missed her when she went
you pined for her, upon no end
but when she's here in flesh and soul
are you brave enough to meet and hold?

her hands, so soft, you remember well
but not to her, you never did tell
what was in your heart that time, before
she went away to the land of yore

is she still the one that you desired
the one whom you had so required
as partner to your beating heart
until the day that you depart?

if yes then tell her how you feel
however much you love her still
before she disappears again
and you would have loved her all in vain

another chance may not be present
to have a go at a slice of heaven
to tell her truly how much you care
and why for her, you'll always be there

tell her do, give her the news
just let her know, what's there to lose?
after all these years, you never told her
for all you know, she might just remember

how much to her your presence meant
when spending time together then
sharing laughter and the tears
amongst the sadness, the hopes, the fears

the feelings that she had for you
may have been what you felt then too
but since you never said a word
so off she went, free as a bird

so tell her now, while she is here
how much you care, and hold her dear
you never know what she will say
her answer might just brighten your day



Emma Aman Shah - Wed 27 April 2011 8:00pm
Edited Fri 29 April 9:00am

Of Emotions and Elements

***



Wednesday Apr 13 2011 at 20:31 via iPhone ·

.

I've been given a dare
By a poet extraordinaire
Oh dear, what am I to do?
I have to deliver but I have no clue!

I told him, I'm sorry sir
I'm down with a raging fever
He said oh take care, but by 3pm, I hope
I'm sure you can write while you're high on dope :-)

Some words that he had given me
Must be used appropriately
I'm to utilise Halilintar and Hujan
Petir, Kilat, Badai and Taufan

Also there's Gerimis and Suram
Not forgetting Guruh and Kelam
Now, the real challenge has not been met
You haven't seen the rest of it yet!

Sinar, Terang, Cerah, Suria
Mentari, Gemerlapan, Kemilau and Cahaya
Words portraying the different elements
Which can be used to describe emotions

The highs and lows, feelings of a person
Turmoil, passion, elation and frustration
So where do I start then, I ask you
When my prose is terrible in Bahasa Melayu?

Oh yes one more word, he tells me
For good measure, throw in Pelangi
I'm scratching my head more than enough
My kids are asking, Mama you have dandruff?

A disciplined writer, I never can be
I salute Pendita Rahim, who challenged me
The next time he says 'I dare you!'
I'll just go menyorok behind a batu...


:-)

good nite, peaceful nite

Emma Aman Shah on Monday, 21 February 2011 at 23:32

I haven't written for a while
But thoughts of you still make me smile
Remembering how, out of the blue
You'd send me out on an errand for you

Sometimes it'd be as simple as
Drop by pasar tani, get you lemongrass
Even if I had no intention of going
Refuse you I couldn't 'cos you needed it for cooking!

Either for masak pindang or asam pedas
It'll be something you do with zass
I'll always miss the asam pedas ikan merah
You cooked for me, soon as I'd jejak tanah

Knowing I'd wanted yours when I expecting
So far away when I was studying
You made it for me so I wont mengidam
Even though by then, the baby had come!

Oh memories of you make my heart sigh
The thought that already we said goodbye
I suppose the medication is partly to blame
Putting me in this state, making me call your name

There, of course, will be no answer
'Cos you are gone from me forever
But magically, some consolation for my heart
The bitter sweet remembrance of our being apart

Rest in peace, my darling sister
You were missed greatly by our mother
May she too rest in absolute contentment
I pray you both, together blessed in heaven

wondering

Emma Aman Shah on Tuesday, 25 January 2011 at 01:14

:
Wonder who you really are
Are you like the twinkling star
Diamond-like and shiny bright
Hanging in the sky at night?

Or are you like a lullaby
A soothing sound to hush my cry
When i am sad all on my own
You're there so i won't be alone?

Thoughts of you, they make me ponder
The reality of which, when you are near
And yet so far in flesh and presence
Are you for real, when there's no essence?

Is it just my mind, my senses resist
Alluding me to believe that you are here
But who are you, do you really exist
I doubt myself, though i feel you near

If you really are in form and feel
Show me yourself, and make it real
End us this torture of silent guessing
Whether a link is worth rekindling

Today is 24th November 2010 and I miss you

It saddens me when I'm not even able to tell you that I miss you

I miss your company while I drive
I miss your laughing at my silly jokes
I miss you humoring my tall tales
I miss cheering you up
I miss you feeding me stupid ideas
I miss you getting me to do crazy things
I miss getting you things you want
I miss buying you things you don't need
I miss you light up when you see me coming
I miss trying to decipher your otherwise unintelligible text messages
I miss understanding what you're trying to say when you use absolutely ridiculous words
I miss you loving me unconditionally
I miss you I miss you I miss you

24th November 2010 at 11:55pm

Senses

i feel..
the breeze gently caressing
and leaves fall slowly
making way for the serenity of a new day

i see..
the sun shining forth
when the moon will glow
and there is the coolness of the evening

i hear..
the birds busily chirping
welcoming the night
when all will be at rest

i sense..
the flow of the rhythm changing
the beats rapidly dispersing
and the emptiness set in

i long..
for the days gone by
when love, joy and laughter abound
for i may no longer share all these with you

Mum, you would be proud soooo of me!

Dear Mum,

Am very sorry that I have not written for so long. Well you know lah, I prefer to “story” you directly, then I can add in all the sound effects and the drama gets better! But today I have to settle for just typing them down je lah. Not that I really have much of a choice anyway..

Saturday went quite well, I think, despite some misgivings. You will be proud to know that I behaved myself! And very well, I must say. Although there were times when I was really tempted to explode – who in their right minds would accept “Congratulations on your new Mum” when I already have one? New? Did we just buy her off a supermarket shelf or something ? You mean we can actually get NEW Mums? (I know that first-time mothers who had just given birth are called New Mums, but that’s a different story la kan) Hey, just because Dad has a new wife, that doesn’t automatically make her my NEW Mum. Hmm somehow it doesn’t sound right.. oh yeah, but I held my own and graciously replied with “Que sera Sera”….and a grin! I doubt that many would not understand that one, eh? Or understand it even.. hehehe

I took a really lonnnng time getting ready, dressing up for the event. Well, Dad wanted me to play hostess, as you know already, not that I kenal half the people there la kan, the people from the surrounding areas. Adik-beradiks I can do. Thankfully the ratio was like 1:10 with 10 being the number for adik-beradiks. Many of the family couldn’t make it, as coming from KL would be rather difficult and then nak balik pulak dah late night. Nak book hotel kat situ pun, you know lah the limitations kan. Dah la pulak Monday tu holiday, but Perak only! This part was where I was a bit sensitive when orang tanya.. eh apasal nak balik Ahad jugak? And I sweetly answered “Abis cucu kan semua kat KL.. Monday sekolah kan?”. And to the remark that “Laaaaa you look exactly like your Mum!” hehehe compliment tu, Mum, that made it pretty clear everybody remembers you, rest assured! Well, and THAT was also pretty much why I didn’t make an earlier appearance to greet the 400-odd guests! But then again, it DID too contribute to a much grander entrance hahaha.

I wore a black kebaya with gold-ish kerawang, with the gold diamond kerongsang, of course! Oh and kain batik with sequins (uggh. Yeah, I know, I know) Didn’t have time to ikat any of your batik lepas, I would have loved to have done that though. Then a lot more people would be shocked to see me (you). The kain batik that I wore was already sewn - I bought it ready made. I remember watching you ikat the batik lepas dulu whenever you were going out to a function with Dad.. the sanggul and then the kebaya pendek sulam. And how you used to scold me when I re-enacted you dressing up – doing up a French bun, pulling the sarong to tighten it and finally putting on the baju and the pins hahaha but you enjoyed my little dramas and over-acting, I know . Oh yes, before the baju was the eyeliner and lipstick. Last baru baju kebaya. And the corset-girdle or whatever it was called, too. I can only maintain the eyeliner – can’t leave, won’t leave home without it. After all, I have been wearing eyeliner since I could walk! I don’t need a security blanket or pacifier, eyeliners are more vogue! Oh and did I tell you someone asked if I was protesting, since I wore black? To which I replied, sweetly as always, “Oh this is so I can show off all of Mum’s old jewellery!” Hahaha. You really should have been around to see their faces. Splatt.

The DJ (yes, for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why there was one as it was so inappropriate) started to spin and loudly commented on the ceremony, guests, lights, plates, food and everything under the sun, to which I promptly despatched Abang Atan (yay!!!) to go and silence him before I went to shut him up myself, with some violent actions! Anyway he went quiet but started up again when the lights died. Hmmm this time, I did go over and threatened to shoot his brains out if he was going to turn the event into a stupid circus. Well, that was what I WANTED to do, but I AM your very well-behaved daughter and was not about to create a scene; besides which I didn’t have a gun anyway. Bummer. Now THAT would have been fun!

So all in all I think it went quite well. The newbie was friendly; she wasn’t obtrusive at all and let me have my lights and glamour! Oh well, I knew some people were surprised that I had not kicked up a major fuss (apparently I was entitled to, what a waste that I did not know of it!), seeing that I was the only daughter left, the youngest in the family AND plus the fact that I had not met her until that evening itself! Oh well, in order to make the event move-flow-whatever, nicely, and to SHOW that I was sane in mind and knew perfectly what was going on around me, I told Dad I’d take charge of the moneys involved in the customary gift. And I worked very well within budget too, with a lot of help from some very good friends. (Remember my friends from school, Mum? The boarding school ones lah. The ones I was so engrossed with on the first day of school that I didn’t bother crying when you left me there, when you were bawling your eyes out driving away with Dad in the car.. hee hee sorry Mum) They are still a bunch of very good friends, my sisters, and I am proud to state that you also managed to have met them and enjoy their (then) silliness. Shhh, Mum, don’t tell them I said silly ok, but we were, back then, all of us, and fun to boot! You would be very pleased to know that my friends have all grown up to be fine ladies with professions to be proud of, they manage homes, families, companies, hospitals, the army, the internet, the traffic (both on the ground and in the air, mind you) and fight for what we believe is right. Excellent people, you know.. and they are MY friends !!!

Ooh, I started talking about the Newbie and I veered off towards my favourite subject, ME! Oh well, SHE is OK I guess, of course expectations are never one-sided. But you know Dad. What, 65 years? Hehehe you loved complaining to me about his negative traits, simply because you wanted to announce the fact that you have been together for sooooo very long. Don’t think I didn’t know that trick! I can always spot them from a mile off, remember ? And this is not just about Dad and us adjusting to her, it is also about her accepting us all as we are, as we always have been. It always has to work both ways, kan? Well, as I have been saying every time, “Que Sera Sera” (I also remember you singing that song). My take on this all is to ADD to memories and adventures of our family’s life, not to remove and replace. There is no replacement as there never can be. And to compete with something that has already been, is simply pointless. New expectations can be set, but of course within reason. Easier said than done, I know, but I think you do see my point kan? No need and reason for theatrics lah in this case, ye tak? Buang karan je nanti pun..

Err, Mum, my fingers are now rather sore from the typing... so I hope you don’t mind if I stop here for now. There are definitely a lot more I want to tell you about, but I would probably write another time. So for now, just rest assured that everything will be fine, so not to worry. It just needs a bit of adjustment and changing the status quo from denial.com to acceptance.com. Don’t worry if you think I’m not speaking proper English again, this is just me being playful. Which as always is what I enjoy when telling you stories. I miss doing that you know, telling you stories, exaggerating the scenarios, and hearing you and Nyah laughing and giggling your err, heads, off.. And I will be OK, Mum, InsyaAllah. Really. Don’t worry about me. Worst thing that can happen to me is that I’ll just simply have another nervous breakdown. Hahaha, that was a joke, Mum ! Relax will you?

Bye now, until next time, I love you!

Different pair ? REALLY ?

Following my recent footwear fiasco ~

This really happened. At work - I asked my colleagues, AND at home with the kids and the maid!

When i asked the GUYS, it went more or less like this.....
"look ! look at what i have on today !"
"errr... what am i looking at, exactly ?"
"my shoes, lah"
"errr... ahaaaa.... so ?"
"i got the wrong pair on !"
"errr.. really ? i can't see the difference?"
"issshhhhh... one black, and one is brown, lah"
"haaa ? really ka ? nampak serupa je.. ok la tu"
"eh, mana boleh, kan lain ? kena tukar aaaaa"
"lerrrr... kaler dah dekat samer, ok la tu"
"eh, pesen dia pun lain lah oi.."
"mana ? takder pun ? aku tengok samaaaa jer ?"
"laaaa tengok betul betull, kan ke the black pair is slim flat toe, the brown is rounded..."
"ye ker ? apsal aku tengok cam sama je pun ?"

Showed (ALL) the girls....
"look ! look at what i have on today !"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA..... HOW COME LAAAAAA YOU........ "

So my conclusion ? Girls will always come out tops in detailing :) .. AND we're definitely sharper !

I need a hug :(

Haven't fully recovered from my kof kof session, now I've caught whatever it is the kids got :( Am feeling so down. My head hurts. My body's aching big time. I have a fever that has a mind of it's own and it's usually trying the best of me just when I have a ton of work to do. My temperature's gone up again and the antibiotic's not very quick this time. Oh well, what do you expect when I've gone throught the plethora and testing which I am or not allergic to !

So now this self-pitying sickly person is going to just shut up and hope for a wonderful - no, just a simple happy will do, actually - tomorrow 18th November 2008, with a fervent prayer that my beloved will not totally forget me on our special day...


........

Soda nak ikut !

Getting ready to leave for work this morning. I opened my car door, and Soda runs in and settles himself on the 'look-out' point at the back... Had to coax him out, with a promise to take him for a ride in the evening. It was raining and I didn't have the time to take him for a ride before work.


Yes, I do talk to my cat, and yes, he understands, and yes, he does talk back !

Conversation with my little ones - 2

Adik	:	(*shrilly as usual*) Uncle Kennnyyyyyy....! Why do you always wear a hat ?
UncK	:	Why do I always wear a HAT ?! Hmmm.. Why DOES Uncle Kenny always wear a hat ? (**errr... sunny day ? makes me look cool ?**)
Adik	:	I know.......!!! because... (*voice drops down to fake whisper*) you're..... b a l d d d d ......!

Thank God that came from the mouth of babies.

Thank God the Baby is one of Uncle Kenny's favourites.

Thank God that Uncle Kenny knows the Baby so well and can expect such things to come from him.

Thank God Uncle Kenny knew that Mummy who was standing there looking shocked had no idea this was coming !!

Thank Uncle Kenny for understanding and putting up with us every weekend...

Conversation with my small ones - 1

Adik	:	Mummmyyyy…. ? I think you better stop eating..!
Mummy	:	Why Sayang ?
Adik	:	Because you are getting soooo fat !!
Mummy	:	(*passed the realm of insult*) Oh well, what can I do? I AM getting old you know !
Abtif	:	(*ever helpful with suggestions*) Maybe you can exercise !! Abah always say we should exercise !
Mummy	:	But Abah also said Mummy is going through the phase where it is difficult fror me to lose weight, no ?
Adik	:	Soooooo I think my suggestion is easier.. Mummy just stop eating !
Mummy	:	Ok Mummy stops eating.. then ?
Abtif	:	Eh cannot lah, then Mummy will get tired and cannot fetch us from Kumon ! (*brilliant idea!*)
Mummy	:	I think I should resume going to the gym…
Adik	:	Yes !! Yes !!, Mummy go to gym !!
Abtif	:	(*fake whisper*) and we can go ice-skating….
Mummy	:	But there’s one small problem… this has stopped me signing up at the Calif Fit gym …
Adik	:	Apa tu Mummyyy ?
Mummy	:	Sekarang Mum call you from the office to remind you to do your homework, kan ? But when I get home, tak buat pun gak kan? I actually have to sit with you and only then you will start work…
Adik and Abtif	:	Err….
Mummy	:	So now imagine, camner kalau Mummy pergi gym lepas work, and come home late… will you do your homework at all ?
Adik	:	Mummy….. When can we go play Archery again ? *Blink blink* (*evasive manouver in progress*)